If you marry me you need to know I might stay up till 3am because my thoughts will wander through my mind. I might be in bed with opened eyes and a drum beating within my chest. There might be nights my heart bangs so loudly you wouldn’t be able to sleep.
If you marry me you need to know there are going to be mornings I am going to wake up with a bruise mind and purple thoughts. My lips would be sealed together and words wouldn’t exit my mouth. There are going to be days when my quietness can scare you.
If you marry me you need to know there are going to be days when my soul changes colors, and you wouldn’t recognize me because the one you met is lost in darkness.
If you marry me you need to know there are going to be days my words will shake and my lungs will break. There will be days you’ll become my time capsule and I might fill your mind with all my thoughts and you might feel like there’s a bomb ticking inside your head.
If you marry me you need to know there are going to be days I am going to love too much, and the thing is I am so so so scared because if you marry me I don’t want our love to drown in the seven seas, I don’t want to construct a family and have the builders destroy it. I don’t want to watch the kids suffer and feel emptiness obstruct them from happiness.. because that’s what happened to me.
Find someone who makes you realize three things: one, that home is not a place, but a feeling. Two, that time is not measured by a clock, but by moments. And three, that heartbeats are not heard, but felt and shared.
No matter how much I sleep, I am always tired.
No matter how many people surround me, I’m always alone.
No matter what I do, I feel unaccomplished.
No matter the number of compliments, I will always feel insecure.
No matter what, I will always feel insignificant.
I will always feel worthless.
I will always feel pain.
This is who I am.